This Christmas gathering was really very special at the Collins house. We had two additional guests, freshmen in the strange brew of a mongrel collective. And I say that with a great deal of affection. We have backgrounds from Central Europe, the British Isles, Africa and First Nations of America. We speak two languages, Hungarian and English. This year there was an infusion of Pittsburghese; one thing common to all this was love and mutual respect.
The nubees included a new husband of Monika's step mom and a young member of a tragedy-plagued wing of the family. The older fellow is a great guy, with a wealth of practical knowledge and a friendly disposition. The younger man's father and baby sister both died inside of 16 months of this holiday, and for someone barely 21 years-old, EC has had his share of very bad luck. This Christmas was a welcome break from his bleak reality, and this distant family represented some return to the stability that had been snatched from him in such a painful way. He is looking to the Marine Corps for a little direction to increasingly aimless life. I wish him God's Speed.
Our young one is growing up very quickly. We are very proud of her, especially the way she has overcome great challenges. Her all-too infrequent visits are the highpoint of our lives. That's not an overstatement; she means that much to us. Several years ago during one of our visits to Chicago she coyly admitted that she was a cigarette smoker. Monika and I are both reformed smokers, with more than 20 years each away from our last smoke. She was embarrassed to step away from us while heading to Ikea. The next visit she had stopped. But we have a history of addictive personalities in the family and I knew it was not going to be easy. It wasn't.
During the Christmas prep – always a stressful time – she looked at me with an expression that said, "I'm sorry," and excused herself for a cigarette. It was the first time she admitted that the cessation of a few years ago had failed. It was not really a surprise, but parents hold out hope over reason. When it comes to looming problems facing families this holiday and the New Year, this seems like a small thing. But we tend to find a way to take some of the sting out of the big by focusing on the small things, perhaps things we can control, things we can fix. I can't fix this smoker, not with love nor threats nor graphic pictures of diseased lungs. Just have to let it go.
Many will take this flip of the calendar to change something about their lives. Self improvement is always a good plan and giving up such a dangerous addiction needs no holiday. So if you are using 2009 to give up smoking, I wish you all the strength you and I can muster.
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