The Dangers of Social Networking

I have a great friend who is perfect in the sense that he tells me the truth and seldom pulls punches. He recently disappeared from the social network we shared. To be exact, he made me disappear from the people he "follows." This was a little disconcerting because we have known each other for a couple of decades. He and I have shared a lot. My friend has dealt with some tremendous losses in his life and his view is filtered through those experiences, a superior intellect and an almost insatiable curiosity. He also values people; friends and strangers alike.

What I did to cause him to remove me from his list was the results of a moment of thoughtlessness. It is what we all risk when we sign up for and begin using these internet tools. I am talking primarily about Facebook and Twitter, the two current waves of connectivity that is taking over much of our time and energy. Both these sites offer little windows into the lives of people near and far in 140 characters or less. The fact that you are reading this on your computer means you are likely familiar with these new ethereal "front porches." If you haven't taken the plunge yet, you might want to read on first.

What put my friend and me on opposite sides or the Twitterverse was my ability see the world as characters in one of my mysteries. I can forget that behind every headline is not just material for my next paragraph, but people who suffer real pain, real loss and deep heartache. The posting, or Tweet, was about a veteran radio newsman who was brutally murdered in his Brooklyn N.Y. home. The suspect was contacted through a reported ad on Craigslist, a popular online classified service. It appeared to my friend that I sited the event and related it to the mystery I am working on. My books combine Radio and murder in such a way that readers with an interest in either might find my stories interesting. It's not as easy as church conspiracies or vampires or crime fighting from beyond the grave, but it is what I know. I don't think I did this, exactly. But it does not matter. It's what he perceived.

Radio people are public figures. We have the blackout curtains of being voices in box rather faces on a screen, but still we are somewhat known. Living in a fishbowl can bring out some unusual characters, fans; and rarely dangerous characters, but it does happen. When I wrote the post with a link to the NY Times article about his death I was thinking about my work, my fiction, not the real life horror of such a crime. The post was insensitive and my friend had heard, read just about enough. I can't blame him for banishing me, but I would like him to know that I got the message. Future posts will not be sent until I have devoted the time and thought to make sure my intentions are easily communicated.

There are many out there who get tossed out of my circle by using offensive language and being generally malicious. There is no room nor time for that. But if you do go on any of these sites, please be careful about what you write and who you invite into your world. On one level it can distort your intentions; on another it can invite disaster.

I hope my friend will invite me back one day. If not, his actions certainly have taught me a lesson. Maybe he helped you, too.

The Shocking Answer

Here's a question I should not ask: did your father ever hit your mother? I am asking this not for prurient reasons, rather a prelude to a brief discussion about an item in the news. We have all heard the disturbing story about performer Chris Brown and his girl friend Rihanna. This horrifying slice of the American Dream has not only been played out time and time again in every form of modern media, including tabloid TV, text messages, YouTube and six degrees of social networks, it is about to become a 90 second public service announcement.

This is no exaggeration. A group whose mission is to raise awareness of the growing problem of domestic violence has reenacted the event as closely as police transcripts will allow. They are not so concerned with the sensational, tabloid news aspects of the event. The stunt choreographers do not resemble the recording stars. They are not even black, which makes me wonder if now about their motives then certainly about their courage. If you read the detailed description of what happened as this 19-year-old superstar navigated his rented luxury sports car while brutally assaulting the young woman, and did not squirm in your seat then may I suggest professional counseling.

Recently there was a survey conducted by the Boston Public Health Commission revealing even more disturbing news. The survey of 200 Boston youths age 12 to 19 found that 51% said Brown bore responsibility, 46% said Rihanna was responsible, and 52% said both were to blame for the incident. Many have suggested that the results of this research indicate a) the glorification of violence in our culture; b) a distortion of celebrity; c) a desensitization of our young people – and perhaps the not so young – to this kind of criminal act.

I must admit I am not really surprised by either the event nor the survey. We have become a culture of violence, perhaps we have always been. We began in religious protest and revolution and we grew by land grabs, slavery and near genocides. It was and is the law of the jungle and survival of the fittest. We are survivors. But there has to come a time when we say to ourselves and our children: enough! We have outgrown our animalistic instincts and can finally start treating each other with compassion and mutual consideration.

The shocking answer might be this: we still have more to learn before we can call ourselves truly civilized. But clearly we haven't arrived quite yet.