I have a great friend who is perfect in the sense that he tells me the truth and seldom pulls punches. He recently disappeared from the social network we shared. To be exact, he made me disappear from the people he "follows." This was a little disconcerting because we have known each other for a couple of decades. He and I have shared a lot. My friend has dealt with some tremendous losses in his life and his view is filtered through those experiences, a superior intellect and an almost insatiable curiosity. He also values people; friends and strangers alike.
What I did to cause him to remove me from his list was the results of a moment of thoughtlessness. It is what we all risk when we sign up for and begin using these internet tools. I am talking primarily about Facebook and Twitter, the two current waves of connectivity that is taking over much of our time and energy. Both these sites offer little windows into the lives of people near and far in 140 characters or less. The fact that you are reading this on your computer means you are likely familiar with these new ethereal "front porches." If you haven't taken the plunge yet, you might want to read on first.
What put my friend and me on opposite sides or the Twitterverse was my ability see the world as characters in one of my mysteries. I can forget that behind every headline is not just material for my next paragraph, but people who suffer real pain, real loss and deep heartache. The posting, or Tweet, was about a veteran radio newsman who was brutally murdered in his Brooklyn N.Y. home. The suspect was contacted through a reported ad on Craigslist, a popular online classified service. It appeared to my friend that I sited the event and related it to the mystery I am working on. My books combine Radio and murder in such a way that readers with an interest in either might find my stories interesting. It's not as easy as church conspiracies or vampires or crime fighting from beyond the grave, but it is what I know. I don't think I did this, exactly. But it does not matter. It's what he perceived.
Radio people are public figures. We have the blackout curtains of being voices in box rather faces on a screen, but still we are somewhat known. Living in a fishbowl can bring out some unusual characters, fans; and rarely dangerous characters, but it does happen. When I wrote the post with a link to the NY Times article about his death I was thinking about my work, my fiction, not the real life horror of such a crime. The post was insensitive and my friend had heard, read just about enough. I can't blame him for banishing me, but I would like him to know that I got the message. Future posts will not be sent until I have devoted the time and thought to make sure my intentions are easily communicated.
There are many out there who get tossed out of my circle by using offensive language and being generally malicious. There is no room nor time for that. But if you do go on any of these sites, please be careful about what you write and who you invite into your world. On one level it can distort your intentions; on another it can invite disaster.
I hope my friend will invite me back one day. If not, his actions certainly have taught me a lesson. Maybe he helped you, too.
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