We Can't, Just Can't Let Go, But We Must

"I am so stressed I am literally ineffective." My friend was trying to focus, but I could see that her thoughts were spinning in every direction, nearly out of control.

Earlier this day another associate mentioned the same event and how it was dominating all his time.They have little in common, these two, other than having their paychecks signed by the same guy. Oh, and they are both sending kids to college for the first time.

My friend has the more oppressive task at hand. She is moving her older child over 2-thousand miles away to a very expensive city for training in perhaps the most competitive field imaginable. Her daughter was blessed with an absolutely angelic voice. She wants to be an opera singer! Think about it, do you know any opera singers? Can you name an opera singer, other than what's-his-name and the other guy? Maybe the name Beverly Sills comes to mind, perhaps because she recently passed away.

No, this is a happy kind of sadness. I know, we've been through it, Monika and I, and there is something ripped from your heart when you look in the rear-view mirror and see that lone person; sometimes crying, sometimes looking around, getting the feel for the place, this new place. She does not look like an adult standing there, ready to make her own decisions, take responsibility for her actions, choose her friends wisely, eat right and get enough rest. She still looks like she just turned twelve. "What do I do now?" is the next thing out of her mouth. But you won't be there to answer. Even in the age of tiny phones, you won't be there.

My friend will have to take her role in that scene and she will have the most difficult flight home she has ever had in her life. So where is the happy part? Hang on, it's coming.

It happens quite by accident, when you are visiting, or when she comes home. There you are, talking about this or that, and suddenly you realize that she has become a friend; an adult and a friend who knows you better than anyone and still loves you. She makes critical observations that are free of judgments and right on target. If you are lucky there is also appreciation for all that you have done.

You also see the best of you in all those plans and dreams and energy that swirls around this new adult.

If you are going through what many of us - including my friend - are facing, try not to stress too much. You will stand at the edge of insanity, but you will step back in time and breathe a little easier. When, you ask? When that next door opens for both of you.